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The Write-Your-Own-Verse-To-Moron Competition

Click here for the entries.

The Competition Is Over

Please note that this competition is very much over. The winner was Wes Weir for his multiple great entries. I'm too embarrassed by this stage as I promised him many years ago that I'd send him something, and I can't quite make myself bring it up again. Wes, if you read this and will let me, send me your address!

I have left the rest of this page here for posterity, and I'll always take late verses and pop them up here.

The Idea

Well, this is my attempt at a competition. I know I'll get no entries, but damn it, I'm starting it up anyway. It's a very simple concept. Simply write a new verse to Moron. Maybe if we get this on-line recording thing going, we can record a version with new verses. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

The Rules

1) Ideally it should satisfy these four simple points:

  1.1) First three lines should rhyme.
  1.2) And have 7 syllables. This one's flexible as the song itself breaks this rule.
  1.3) Last line should be "Why are you a moron?" or something similar.
  1.4) It should rip on something that you hate, or someone that is a moron.

2) My decision is final. Unless I can get the band members to judge the comp for me.

3) You may enter as many times as you like, but please be original and you'll have more chance of winning.

The Examples

Here are two examples, first a verse from the song, and second, one of my own which is a modern adaptation of the first (which also rips off Brat In The Frat... OK, so I'm not feeling original today). I'll list all the entries at the end.

Hangin' out in the commode
Listenin' to Depeche Mode
You look like some kind of toad
Why are you a moron?
Hangin' out listening to Creed
Surely it makes your ears bleed
Hope you don't decide to breed
Why are you a moron?

You get the idea. I hope yours are better than mine.

The Prizes?

Hover bikes! Or something. I have a lot of rare stuff that someone might want.

For those who have everything, I'll try work something out, but you might just want to have a shot and get in the spirit of the thing anyway. And of course, you win respect from your peers, and the immortality that recognition on this site will grant you. ;)



Please type your entry in here:

The Entries

From Lydia Crowe:

Squat and stout with temper short
Make me write a book report
With your card club you cavort
Why are you a moron?

Talk in lisping perky tones
Make me remove my headphones
Why don't you leave me alone?
Why are you a moron?

Giggle like an airhead teen
I pity those who have your genes
I hope weasels eat your spleen
You're just a fucking moron!

From Bucky Lewis:

Hey where did Jello go?
Still you're at the DK show
His band has sold out you know
Why are you a moron?

From Wes Weir:

Dirty, smelly, take a bath
Stupid hippie can't do math
Hope you feel some of God's wrath
Why are you a moron?

Drivin' fast in your red car
You just left drunk from the bar
Hope you do not make it far
Why are you a moron?

From Justin Daniel:

For the uninitiated, Justin's entries are dedicated "to the South African Test cricket team who we just took to the cleaners 3-0 and will do the same on their home turf. Go Aussies."

Shaun Pollock should have pulled the pin,
Fielding's as shit as your batting
You bowl like you've been drinking gin,
What a team of Morons.

Came here & thought you had a chance,
Brett Lee's thunderbolts made you dance,
Tell me you didn't shit your pants,
What a team of morons.

From Tom Chalifour:

You shower in your underwear
And show off all your back hair
You got a head shaped like a pear
Why are you a moron?

From Wes Weir:

Walk around like a meathead
You ate three bullets of lead
Wonder why you aren't dead
Why are you a moron?

From Rodd Stenberg:

Rodd's second entry is dedicated to local (Perth, West Australia) television "identity" Basil Zempilas. Who is a moron.

Acting like you're some kind of princess
Bitching and always making mess
I want to kill you I must confess
Why are you a moron?

Basil I see you on my TV screen
I hope your balls contract gangrene
The biggest fuckhead I've ever seen
A spike I'd put your head on?

From Josh:

Tired of living in this place
I can't stand the human race
No intelligance just saving face
Why are we all morons?

For weekly checks we waste our time
Or live in poverty in dirt and slime
Forced to walk in corporate lines
Why are we all morons?

From Bucky Lewis:

Hey what's that on your arm?
Why do you do yourself harm?
That cut is causing me alarm
Why are you a moron?

From Mike Brennan:

Have no luck at getting chicks
So you jack off to porno flicks
I think you're a total dick
Why are you a moron?

From Daniel Blue:

I don't think Daniel's on quite the same page as the rest of us, but I included it for the bizarro factor.

Sittin in the outhouse listen to BOB DYLAN
You made Charles Manson forget the words to Feelings
You don't look like YOKO ONO
Why are you a moron?

From Mendicant:

You scream and shout that punk rocks dead,
You spend the whole day in your bed,
Don't fix a thing, just bitch instead,
Why are you a moron?

From Ryan Espinosa:

Pay big bucks to see Creed play
I dont know but that sounds gay
All that I have to say is
Why are you a moron?

You saw Elvis at the zoo
Singing rock and roll part two
So did I, so whats new?
Why are you a moron?

Lost in space or so lets hope
You really are a fucking dope
How the hell can you cope with
Being such a moron?

From Michael Rupage:

Feed the homeless thats the game
She's getting bigger all the same
Sally Struthers is her name
Why are you a moron

Every day I curse my life
Drinking as I beat my wife
Please won't someone end this strife
Why are you a moron

From Steve Gazzo:

Steve's are based on recent American politics... The current (circa 2002) president being such an obvious target!

Make us pray on live TV
Make your cash illegally
Behave nice so dad can see
God, you're such a moron

Jump on for the right-to-life
Start some wars to cause us strife
Fuck up speeches like Barney Fife
We're stuck with this moron

From Mike Brennan:

I hate my sister
I hate my sister
I hate my sister
Yeah, she's a moron

From Your New Best Friend:

Play pocket ball, hey everyones lookin'
Asking girls, "hey whatcha' cookin"
I saw you with that pumpkin
Yeah your just a fuckin moron!

Walk like you have saddle-stitch
Scratching at your crotch you itch
Scream aloud "that pumpkins a cheating bitch"
You vegi-sexual moron!