Stuart - Chaos Rules version Available on: Chaos Rules - Live At The Trocadero (Restless, 1994) Original on: Beelzebubba (Enigma, 1988) Sung by: Rodney Anonymous Length: 2:21

Lyrics: You know what Stuart? I like you. You're not like the other people here in the trailer park. Ah, don't get me wrong, they're fine Americans, they're good human beings. But they're content to maybe kick back a cool Coors 16-ouncer, maybe watch some re-runs of Mork and Mindy on channel 57. They're good people, Stuart. Ah, but they don't know what the queers are doing to the soil. You know that Johnny Wurster kid - the kid who delivers newspapers in the neighborhood? He's a good kid. Some of the neighbors say he smokes crack, but I don't believe a word of it. Anyway, for his 10th birthday, all he wanted was a burrow owl, just like his old man. He said "Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll never ask for anything else again as long as I live". So the guy breaks down and buys him a burrow owl. 10:30 last Thursday I go out into my yard and there's the Wurster kid looking up in the tree. I said, "What are you looking for?" He said, "I'm looking for my burrow owl." I said, "Jumping Jesus on a fuckin' pogo stick! Everybody knows the god-damned burrow owl lives in a motherfuckin' hole in the ground! Why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl in the first place?!" Stuart, do you think a kid like that is gonna know what the queers are doing to the soil? I first became aware of this, that summer about 10 years ago, my oldest boy Bill Jr. died. You know that carnival that comes to town every year? That year they came through with a ride called the Mixer. The man said "Keep your head and arms inside the Mixer at all times." Ah, but Bill Jr., he was a daredevil, just like his old man. He was hanging out saying, "Hey, look at me. Look at me." Pow. He got decapitated. They found his head over by the snowcone concession. Three days later, in my mailbox, there's a letter inside from Pueblo, Colorado. And it turns out to be a pamphlet addressed to Bill Jr entitled, "Do you know what the queers are doing to our soil?" Now, Stuart! If you take a look at any large U.S. city with a big underground homosexual population - Des Moines, Iowa, perfect example. Take a look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. It ain't no god-damned good. You can't plant in it, sure as hell can't build on it. Government says it's due to poor farming. But I know it's the queers. They're in it with the aliens. They're building landing strips for gay Martians. I saw it on the X-Files. You know what Stuart, I like you. You're not like the other people, here in the trailer park.

Tablature: Notes: For more in depth information, try looking at the file for the original version. Comments: Not my favourite on the album. Rodney just sounds a bit too hurried and out of breath. Though I can understand why... must have been pretty difficult to keep up with.