The Dead Milkmen Big Lizard In My Backyard * (p) 1985 Fever Records * (c) 1985 Golf Pro Music * Members: o Dean Clean (Drums, BV) o Joe Jack Talcum (Guitar, Vocals, BV) o Dave Blood (Bass, BV) o Rodney Anonymous (Vocals, BV) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. (1:43) - Tiny Town 2. (1:57) - Beach Song 3. (1:54) - Plum Dumb 4. (1:29) - Swordfish 5. (1:45) - V.F.W. 6. (1:05) - Rastabilly 7. (1:56) - Serrated Edge 8. (2:06) - Lucky 9. (1:57) - Big Lizard 10. (1:30) - Gorilla Girl 11. (2:58) - Bitchin' Camaro 12. (1:55) - Filet Of Sole 13. (2:03) - Spit Sink 14. (1:55) - Violent School 15. (0:46) - Takin' Retards To The Zoo 16. (0:49) - Junkie 17. (2:19) - Right Wing Pigeons 18. (1:47) - Dean's Dream 19. (1:45) - Laundromat Song 20. (2:14) - Nutrition 21. (5:27) - Tugena ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 - Tiny Town Hello, my name is Billy Bob and I don't give a damn I got myself some white sheets straight from the Ku Klux Klan I got myself a daughter and she's a Mongoloid Because I married my sister and our gene pool's been destroyed Let's do it! This is a tiny town And we don't want you comin' round (x2) We got ourself a sheriff and his name's Bobby Joe One day he said to me "Them punk rockers gotta go" So we hopped into his pickup truck with a gun rack on the back And we beat up on them punks and we beat up on them blacks Because This is a tiny town And we don't want you comin' round (x2) So if you should happen to come to our little town It might be wise if you didn't hang around 'Cause we hate blacks and we hate Jews And we hate punks but we love the F.U.s Let's do it! This is a tiny town And we don't want you comin' round (x2) 2 - Beach Song Sand is hurting my tender feet The air smells like rotting fish and solarcaine I hate the people on the beach With their towels and umbrellas, they're so insane I don't wanna be on the beach! No! (x2) I don't wanna be on the beach! I don't wanna be on the beach! No! I hate my girlfriend, she-she-she Lies on the beach like a barrier reef Soaking up the stupid sun While the radio is blasting fun, fun, fun I don't wanna be on the beach! No fun! (x2) I don't wanna be on the beach! I don't wanna be on the beach! No fun! No! (x2) This is no way to spend a summer I've got sand caked on my feet I gave my ice cream to a shark And now I've got nothing to eat No fun! I don't wanna be on the beach! No fun! I don't wanna be on the beach! No fun! No! I don't wanna be on the beach! I don't wanna be on the beach! No fun. 3 - Plum Dumb She stands there on the corner, got raspberry jeans Waiting and watching, oh god, here he comes He pulls up beside her in his sporty machine Rolls down the window and hands her a bag of plums Plums? Eat them he tells her They'll make ya feel great She hops in the car and he steps on the gas She says can't you drive faster It's getting late Just a wee bit faster You're not going too fast Oh Freeway, riding down the freeway Cruisin', now she's really cruisin' When the plums take affect Yes, the plums suddenly juice her mind (mind) She is no longer a nervous wreck Now her nerves are blind; she feels fine (fine) Oh, I feel great, she says But he already knows it Cause she's fingering his hair And biting his toes She's really plumbed out And in her eyes she shows it She says, Hey, what's the hurry? Let's drive more slow Moisture drips from her edible lips And as he looks into her eyes He is quick to realize That he'd better pull over Before he gets to Dover Cause if he really wants her Now the time is wise Freeway, riding down the freeway Cruisin', now you're really cruisin' When the plums take affect Yes, the plums suddenly juice her mind (mind) She is no longer a nervous wreck Now her nerves are blind; she looks fine (fine) She's plum dumb Plum dumb Plum it (x6) Yeah 4 - Swordfish Some people believe in astrology Others believe in technology Some people believe in all those "ologies" But I believe in swordfish He believes in swordfish I believe in Happy Days I believe in Joanie Loves Crotchie I believe in all that TV crap And I believe in swordfish He believes in swordfish Came up from the ghetto with the help of my stiletto Every day I hear the people groan: Why should we buy postage stamps? We can make our own We may be doing something wrong We could be running a little too long I guess we better end this song I say I believe in swordfish He believes in swordfish 5 - V.F.W. Mom and Dad don't like me They say I'm mean and crude They tried to make me a good little boy By sticking downers in my food Fucked up world We're all veterans of a fucked up world Fucked up world We're all members of a fucked up world My neighbours try to run me down Because I'm such a mess Maybe it's cause of the way I look Or maybe the way I dress Philosophers try to put me down Hey what's the meaning of life? Go kill a cop and drink till you drop Baby that's my advice In a... Fucked up world We're all veterans of a fucked up world Fucked up world We're all members of a fucked up world Girls don't really like me That's why I hate myself Maybe it's cause of the way I look Or maybe it's something else My room is such a pig sty My floor has never been swept But I've got a fuck off attitude And that's something that should be kept In a... Fucked up world We're all veterans of a fucked up world Fucked up world We're all members of a fucked up world 6 - Rastabilly My baby's got two hands My baby's got two feet My baby's got a forehead And all the chicken you can eat My baby's got two elbows My baby sure has a nose My baby she's got ten toes And my baby's got a couple a' those (You guys comin' to the Klan rally tonight?) My baby drives a truck My baby sure is good luck My baby has a pet duck And my baby is a heck of a Fffff-riend Yeah, that's right Somebody kicked my dog Mavis and I'm gonna find out just who the hell it was I'm all messed up on cough syrup now, so just like never mind 7 - Serrated Edge Up on the hilltop where the vultures perch, That's where I'm gonna build my church, Ain't gonna be no priest, ain't gonna be no boss; Just Charles Nelson Reilly nailed to a cross. I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief, People shake their heads in disbelief. GO! Just me on a hilltop with 15 girls, In a Nelson Reilly orgy that'll make your hair curl. I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief, People shake their heads in disbelief. Yeah, Charles Nelson Reilly, he's our man, He can't heal the sick with the touch of his hand, He can't walk on water, can't make wine flow; Just another greedy actor on the late late show! I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief, People shake their heads in disbelief. GO! Just me on a hilltop with 15 girls, In a Nelson Reilly orgy that'll make your hair curl. I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief, People shake their heads in disbelief. 8 - Lucky (1.2.3.huh) Little Billy drunk on beer Plops down behind the steering wheel His prom date pukes on her brand new dress He wonders who'll clean up the mess His car skids goes off the road Hits a tree and then explodes His death was quick painless they say Hope when I die I go that way But, You may not be so lucky (x4) Little Debbie drunk on wine Says she's havin' a very good time She thinks she's havin' the time of her life Prom date sharpens a big butcher knife Like a cheap horror movie on the silver screen The night is filled with deadly screams One of Bensalem's famous capers It even made the big city papers You may not be so lucky (x4) President laughs shaves his head Pushes the button and bombs the Reds Reds hits back with all they've got Now we're all in the melting pot Let's have a big cheer for the government Who's finally ended our descent Vaporized masses in the shopping mall Never got to see the H-bomb fall Little Billy drunk on beer Plops down behind the steering wheel His prom date pukes on her brand new dress He wonders who'll clean up the mess His car skids goes off the road Hits a tree and then explodes His death was quick painless they say Hope when I die I go that way But, You may not be so lucky (x3) Never gonna be so lucky Little Debbie drunk on wine Says she's havin' a very good time She thinks she's havin' the time of her life Prom date sharpens a big butcher knife Like a cheap horror movie on the silver screen The night is filled with deadly screams One of Bensalem's famous capers It even made the big city papers 9 - Big Lizard Big lizard in my backyard Can't afford to feed him anymore Big lizard in my backyard Bustin' down my neighbour's door I bought a big lizard Only a dollar fifty Well, that's pretty neat Yeah it's fuckin' nifty But I just can't afford to feed it And you should see the way it shits I've got a big lizard in my backyard Can't afford to feed it anymore Big lizard in my backyard Bustin' down my neighbour's door I was knocked outta bed Late last night I was woken up by the sound of dynamite I ran downstairs to find an army man He said "We gotta blow up those things we don't understand!" There's no more big lizard in my backyard I won't have to feed him anymore No more lizard in my backyard They shipped his ass to El Salvador! Was knocked outta bed Late last night I was woken up by the sound of dynamite I ran downstairs to find an army man He said "We gotta blow up those things we don't understand!" Big lizard in my backyard Can't afford to feed it anymore Big lizard in my backyard Bustin' down my neighbour's door I bought a big lizard Only a dollar fifty Well, that's pretty neat Yeah it's fuckin' nifty But I just can't afford to feed it 10 - Gorilla Girl (This is a gorilla girl) (1.2.3) Gave to the gorilla girl, gobs and gobs of love. No one else would touch that girl unless they wore a glove. Gifted was this girl of mine, great knowledge could she grasp. But once she ate a golf pro and vomited in the grass. But I love my groovy gorilla girl, And her groovy, gorgeous gape, oh! And her fabulous zoo-keeper father- My love looks like an ape! My folks say she's wrong for me; this girl is a mistake. Whenever I date gorilla girl they whack me with a rake. Took her out to a picnic at a girl scout jamboree. Golly did those girl scouts gape at gorilla girl and me. But I love my groovy gorilla girl, And her groovy, gorgeous gape, oh! And her fabulous zoo-keeper father- My love looks like an ape! 11 - Bitchin' Camaro - Hey Jack, what's happenin'? - I don't know. - Well uh, rumour around town says you might be thinkin' 'bout goin' down to the shore. - Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna go down to the shore. - Whadda ya gonna do down there? - Uh, I don't know, p-play some video games, buy some Def Leppard t-shirts. - Don't forget your Motley Crue t-shirt; y'know all proceeds go to get their lead singer out a' jail. - Uh huh. - Can't wait to go down. Hey uh, were ya gonna check out the sand bar while you're down there? - Uh, what's the Sand Bar? - Ah, it's a place that lets sixteen year-old kids drink. - Ah, cool. - Ya hey, guess who's gonna be there? - Uh, who? - My favourite cover band, Crystal Ship. - Wow. - Yeah, they do a Doors show, you'd be really impressed, in fact, it goes a little like this: Love me two times baby Love me twice today Love me two times girl Cause I got AIDS Love me two times baby, once for tomorrow, once cause I got AIDS - Uh... - Pretty good Jim Morrison impersonation there. I hope those guys have a good sense a' humour and don't take us into court. - Uh, what's the court? - Never mind that, the important thing here... - You mean the People's Court. - The... Now, that's another story. The important thing here is that we get to the part where you ask me how I'm gonna get down to the shore. - Oh, how you gettin' down to the shore? - Funny you should ask, I've got a car now. - Ah wow, how'd ya get a car? - Oh, my folks drove it up here from the Bahamas. - You're kidding! - I must be, the Bahamas are islands. Okay, the important thing here is that, uh, you ask me what kinda car it is. - Uh uh, what kinda car do ya' got? - I've got a bitchin' Camaro... (1.2.3.4) Bitchin' Camaro, Bitchin' Camaro! I ran over my neighbors Bitchin' Camaro, Bitchin' Camaro! Now I'm in all the papers My folks bought me a bitchin' Camaro With no insurance to match So if I happen to run you down Please don't leave a scratch I ran over some old lady One night at the county fair And I didn't get arrested Because my dad's the mayor Bitchin' Camaro, Bitchin' Camaro! Donuts on your lawn Bitchin' Camaro, Bitchin' Camaro! Tony Orlando and Dawn When I drive past the kids They all spit and cuss Cause I've got a bitchin' Camaro And they have to ride the bus So you'd better get out of my way When I come through your yard Cause I've got a bitchin' Camaro And an Exxon credit card Bitchin' Camaro, Bitchin' Camaro! Hey man where ya headed? Bitchin' Camaro, Bitchin' Camaro! I'm drunk on unleaded! 12 - Filet Of Sole Filet of sole baby Is my favourite dish Filet of sole baby When the dish is fish Cause oh, I lose control When you serve filet of sole Now you're cookin' baby Got an appetite Said you're cookin' baby Smells out of site Oh, I lose control When you serve filet of sole Little bit of sole and I'm feelin' fine Little bit of sole and I'm losin' my mind I'm feeling fine I'm losing my mind Filet of sole baby Now I'm feeling fine Filet of sole baby We're gonna dine Oh, I lose control When you serve filet of sole Baby I love the stuff you cook Baby I love the way you look Ah, the way you look Uh, that stuff you cook Filet of sole baby Is my favourite dish Filet of sole baby When the dish is fish Oh, I lose control When you serve filet of sole 13 - Spit Sink Oh come on baby take a drink Never mind that it's a spit sink A spit sink (x2) It's nothing but a spit sink Jam Took a drink Thought I was gonna die Somebody told me The water was formaldehyde Ah take off your clothes Don't be lonely The sign above Says "for Negroes only" A spit sink (x2) It's nothing but a spit sink Jam Went to the doctor Thought I was gonna flip He said "Boy, This is a heavy acid trip" The world is nothing but an open sewer The trash and slime just runs right through her Take off your clothes Let's jump in We can go For a little swim A spit sink (x2) It's nothing but a spit sink Jam Took a drink Thought I was gonna die Somebody told me This water is formaldehyde Come on baby take a drink It's acid baby It'll make you really think 14 - Violent School Violence rules! (x5) Violence rules, guns are cool and we've got guns, in our school (x2) 20 people livin' on a desert isle They're all friendly they all smile Then the food supply gets too low 20 people 10 gotta go Violence rules, guns are cool and we've got guns, in our school (x2) 1,000 people gather in the streets of Manhattan The lights go out guess what happens? It's time to steal, it's time to shoot! It's time to rob... taste my boot! Violence rules! (x5) Violence rules, guns are cool and we've got guns, in our school (x2) Violence rules, guns are cool (x2) Violence rules, guns are cool and we've got guns, in our school 15 - Takin' Retards To The Zoo It's a boring day - I've got nothing to do Except to get a load of retards and drive 'em to the zoo Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo (x2) Load 'em on a bus just for laughs Down a winding road stepping on the gas Down a winding road just daydreaming Down a winding road with the retards screaming Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo (x2) One of them blowing a big spit bubble Slam on the brakes at the first sign of trouble Head on collision bodies everywhere Head on collision retards beware Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo (x2) 16 - Junkie My best friend is a junkie He shoots up all day Sometimes he even shits himself What else can I say? Shoot up or shut up (x4) If his girl don't score He beats her black and blue He wears his track marks like tattoos I love to hear his junkie talk Whenever he talks on the sidewalk My best friend is a junkie It's sad but true My best friend is a junkie What does your best friend do? My best friend is a junkie He shoots up all day Sometimes he even shits himself What else can I say? Shoot up or shut up (x4) 17 - Right Wing Pigeons The town in Georgia's got a law on the books Says if we all got guns then we won't have crooks Now what could make them think that way? What could make them act that way? They're just right wing pigeons from outer space Sent here to destroy the human race They don't give a damn about you or me They just buy guns and watch TV Let's go! The lady in Detroit owns a can of mace Got pissed at my brother so she sprayed it in his face Now what could make her think that way? What could make her act that way? She's just a right wing pigeon from outer space Sent here to destroy the human race She don't give a damn about you or me She just buys guns and watches TV The man in the White House who just don't care He starves little kids and he dyes his hair Now what could make him think that way? What could make him act that way? He's just a right wing pigeon from outer space Sent here to destroy the human race He don't give a damn about you or me He just buys guns and watches TV Go! 18 - Dean's Dream It's a Friday night cookin' show With a horse-meat dish I had to stay in the freezer All Thursday eve Talkin' to that horse I really had to go Down to the sidewalk The sky's all red The street's filled with people From a High School band I escaped to a theatre To see a girl With long blonde hair Right down to there I escaped from a theatre to see a girl With long blonde hair We had to leave We got in a tan van Us two in the back With Steve McGarrett From Hawaii-Five-O At the steering wheel Speeding away we slide into a Parking lot And all in slow motion These tough guys appear We argue and fight And one pulls a knife He hits me in the back But I'm all right, I'm all right, (x3) He's all right I escaped from a theatre To see a girl With long blonde hair Right down to there I escaped from a theatre To see a girl.... 19 - Laundromat Song (1--2--1-2-1.2.3.4) Soap and quarters and bleach and laundry Are words I use at the laundromat Reading the news, and watching the people That's what I do at the laundromat At the laundromat my heart grows fat Ah Ah As my clothes get dry I stop and sigh Ah Ah Dreaming -- Screaming There's a girl washing her clothes I'm in love but nobody knows She looks sixteen or seventeen My mind grows dirty when my clothes get clean She's so young and tall Ah Ah I'm gonna give her my all (or Borax) Ah Ah Dreaming -- Screaming I'm not a subtle guy I'll go to her and sigh "If I don't see you again my love I must surely die." Dreaming -- Screaming Clothes go round and round And my heart goes up and down She's drying her jeans In separate machines She's loading up her granny cart Ah Ah Goin out the door; it's breaking my heart Ah Ah Dreaming -- Screaming 20 - Nutrition Now my life is easy My life ain't hard I'm gonna spend all day In my fuckin' backyard I ain't got no money Hell, I don't care My parents let me use their credit card I've got nowhere to go Just hang out on the street My folks say I've got no ambition At least I give a shit About the stuff I eat Yeah! I care about nutrition Tried to get a job At the retail store But I could not stand the competition Now I spend all my time Hangin' out at the shore Givin' myself a skin condition I've got nowhere to go Just movin' on my feet People say I've got no ambition At least I give a shit About the stuff I eat Yeah! I care about nutrition Sometimes I get upset When I see on the TV All them people in this world That is starvin' But there's nothin' in this world That could possibly bother me When I smell the turkey Dad is carvin' Boy I'm starving Christ I'm starving! My folks said I gotta get myself a job 'Cause they ain't gonna support me Well, if all I am to them Is just some lazy slob Why didn't they abort me? I guess I'll just hang out On Broad and South Livin' by my intuition At least I give a shit What I put into my mouth Yeah! I care about nutrition Nutrition It's good for me Nutrition I've got vitamin C I care (x3) I give a healthy shit And Mom and Dad say if I eat all of my food I can go to the hard core show and see F.O.D. 21 - Tugena Instrumental. Though it does have random snatches of barely audible speaking here and there.